Gender Help Blog

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See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna

Anonymous asked:

Hello! This blog is amazing! So, I'm a closet genderfluid, I wear binders from time to time (when I'm in the mood), and they've all been makeshift-made of elastic fabric, like spandex and stuff. Over time, the material will wear out and the 'binder' will become unusable. I want to buy a professional binder really bad, but I'm broke and underage, therefore I do not have my own credit card and still live under my extremely conformed, close minded parents room. How do I get a binder unsuspiciously?

Hello anon,

There are binder give-aways and links to safe binding practice posts here on tumblr so check out some of the transgender blogs for safety information. Keep in mind that binding, when done incorrectly, can be very dangerous and lead to disfigurement, injury, and pain. Snug is good, pain is not. If you feel any pain in your chest, stop using the binder.

The credit card issue is easy to get around actually. You can buy a visa gift card with cash and it’ll work for online purchases. If your parents ask, it’s a “high impact sports bra” and 30 minutes of cardio 3 times a week is all the excuse you need. 

I hope that helps, good luck!
~Mod Lib

Anonymous asked:

Recently I've been having trouble figuring out my gender identity. I was born a female and generally feel most comfortable with she/her pronouns, but I wouldn't mind all that much if i was referred to as any other pronouns. I also don't feel "girl" would be a completely accurate way to describe me, but neither would boy or agender. When I think in terms of my gender I feel it more with feminine vs. masculine rather than boy vs girl,and I tend to waver between the two but it's never that intense

Hello anon!

(Please excuse any delays in replies, we are short on Mods and remaining Mods have RL complications.)

My usual go-to website for definitions no longer exists unfortunately so I’m going off of memory, but there are terms for “third genders” who a) have a gender that is b) not girl/boy. I would look into some of those labels. They’re obviously not as common as binary genders so it’ll take some digging. The only ones I can remember off the top of my head that might sound close are neutrois, null-gender, and gender-neutral. Also, keep in mind that several agender folks flux between feeling masculine and feminine (called Agenderflux) and there is such a thing as grey-gender and demi-gender. 

The lovely folks at  transgenderteensurvivalguide have a nifty flow-chart with definitions so that might be worth a look too. http://philome.la/likearcsouffle/nb-flowchart/play

Good luck!
~Mod Lib

Anonymous asked:

Hey! I'm wondering if I may be gender fluid, but I'm not sure if its just my gender expression? I'm dfab, I sometimes feel masculine>feminine, and vice versa; it honestly wouldn't bother me if someone referred to me as he/him/they/them instead of she/her, and I've always wanted to wear boys clothes (esp on masc days). But I don't know if i actually WANT to be a boy even on masc days. so, I'm stuck on whether I'm gender fluid/androgynous/neither. any help would be appreciated, thank you!! :)

Hello anon!

It doesn’t matter if you “want” to be a boy; your gender is based on your feelings and experiences and not necessarily your desires or ideals. Instead of “do I want to be a boy” ask yourself “do I feel like a boy?” Keep in mind that there is no “wrong” way to gender. There’s no “normal” gender, either. There’s only what’s “normal for you”. 

If you have masculine days, but still want to present as feminine, that’s okay. If you feel like a girl most of the time and want to dress masculine, that’s okay. Behavior doesn’t equal gender. Gender has an impact on our behavior, but your behavior does not necessarily signify your gender. I’m sure there have been plenty of transmen and gender nonconforming folks who have to put on makeup for a job interview or have had to play a role that goes against their gender identity because it was necessary to survive and function. That doesn’t make their gender identity invalid and that also means we can’t assume someone’s gender identity by how they act. For that reason I can’t assume your gender identity based on actions.

Instead, check out some blogs based on what you think your gender is likely to be and talk to those folks directly. Join a chat, reach out to local LGBT+ groups, and listen to what those folks have to say. Eventually, someone will say something about their experience and you’ll be able to say, “me too!” That’s how you find your gender label. 

Good luck!
~Mod Lib

Anonymous asked:

So I was born female. All my life I've used she/her pronouns. I've always been very androgynous and I'm often mistaken for a boy. Every time I am mistaken for a boy it makes me feel really good. I feel more masculine even though I enjoy a lot of feminine things and I still feel feminine as well. I've been thinking I'm either genderfluid or bigender but I don't know, I may also be genderflux but I'm not entirely sure what that means. I was wondering if you have an idea of what I could be thanks

Hello Anon,

Please excuse the late reply, we are short on mods at the moment. In short there is no way for an outsider to tell you “what” you are. I can give you a definition of a particular gender identity and provide links to blogs by individuals who identify as such, but since gender is such an internalized concept and idea, there’s no way for me to know what your gender is. Behavior and gender expression doesn’t equal gender. Pronoun use doesn’t equal gender.

I found my gender identity by talking with other people and listening to their experiences until somebody said something that just clicked and I was able to say, “Me too!” You’ve already taken a really good first step by knowing the terminology and having a rough idea. The next step is to look for bigender, gender fluid, and genderflux blogs and see what those folks are saying. Join a group chat. Look for some LGBT+ groups in your local area. It’s really a wonderful feeling to be able to say “me too!”, but to get to that point you have to be open to listening to other peoples experiences. You were already assigned one gender, so it’s not my place to assign you another one. 

Good luck!
~Mod Lib

Anonymous asked:

I'm sorry if the answer is obvious or easy, but how exactly do you feel gender? Is it just an agreement with way your body looks or how interests match with your sex? I currently use she/her pronouns and biologically female, but I can't really imagine how it would make me feel if I was thought of as a different gender. I think I'd be more-or-less fine, but right now, I'm kinda confused.

Hello Anon,

Please excuse the late reply. We have a shortage of mods at the moment. The best answer I personally can give you is “I don’t know.” I’m agender so I only understand gender as an abstract concept separate from myself and my idenity. Everyone’s gender experience is going to be different because it’s a combination of social norms, internal physiology, biological factors, and gender expression. I believe gender to be a combination of many factors, not just one thing. How that feels is going to depend on the person.

~Mod Lib

Anonymous asked:

So i was born female and use she\her pronouns But I don't really care about gender. Like my gender doesn't really effect what I do or wear. Like sometimes I do feminine things or wear feminine things but other times I do or wear masculine things...

…Continued so like what could I be?

Hello anon!

You are yourself. Here’s the thing, behavior =/= gender. What you wear, how you act, and what pronouns you use are all part of your gender expression. There is no way to “reverse engineer” (for lack of a better term) your gender identity from your gender expression. Your gender identity may impact your gender expression, but gender identity has less to do with what you do and everything to do with how you feel. The next best phrase, I think, to “gender identity” is “gender experience”. Think about how you experience gender; How you would describe that experience to other people? We use labels as a way to define and describe our experience in terms that other people can understand and to find people with similar experiences. Once you can articulate that, you’ll have an easier time figuring out your labels.

Good luck!
~Mod Lib

Anonymous asked:

So, I've been identifying as a demiboy ( mostly boy, part agender) but I still kind of like doing feminine things. And sometimes she/her pronouns don't hurt much (although sometimes when I'm in a really male mood I'll cringe really hard). But I still like he him pronouns a lot and looking like a boy and I'm fine with they/them pronouns. So am a demiboy, trans ftm, or something else?

~Hello anon!

You said you’re part agender as well, yes? Although I don’t feel this way myself I’ve heard from several agender folks that they’ll flux between periods of feeling feminine and masculine. We call this agenderflux. The base gender is still agender, but sometimes they’ll feel more masculine or feminine depending. Perhaps this is what’s happening to the agender part of your identity.

If you still only feel a partial connection to the boy/male gender then you can absolutely keep using the demiboy label. The lovely folks on the demigender blogs keep emphasizing that it doesn’t matter what “percentage” you are to use the demi label; the key thing is that it’s a partial connection.

Transgender is the umbrella term for anyone who’s gender identity does not match the one they are assigned at birth. Under the transgender label we have binary genders (boy/girl) and non-binary genders (everything else). If you want to use the transgender umbrella term you can or if you want to use the nonbinary label that’s okay too. Demigender is a very specific label, while nonbianry and transgender are generally less specific labels.  It depends how specific you want to be in any situation.

I hope that helps! Good luck!
~Mod Lib

Anonymous asked:

so!! im trans ftm but??? i feel more,, neutral than masculine but masculine pronouns and attire make me feel !! really good, but im not sure what im feeling is?? like,, i feel gender neutral but masculine pronouns make me comfortable?? is there a name for this?

Hello anon,

As far as I know that is called transgender with masculine/male pronouns. Transgender is an umbrella term that means your gender doesn’t match the one you were assigned at birth; This also includes nonbinary genders. Nonbinary genders are genders other than man or woman. Gender neutral counts as a nonbinary gender if you want to use the nonbinary label, or you can simply continue using the umbrella term transgender. It’s completely up to you. As for pronoun preference, if using masculine pronouns and masculine gender expression makes you happy, absolutely keep doing it. 

I hope that helps! Good luck
~Mod Lib

Anonymous asked:

k so I came out to my ma as a trans guy and I haven't really been thinking about it for long? like 3-4 months maybe i just never really considered it. but my mom doesn't fully believe me bc she thinks that trans people know all their lives, since I was a pretty normal girl as a kid. she thinks that people who realize in their teens end up going back to their original gender a lot which is not true but I can't find any actual evidence. feels like shit she doesnt support me tho she not transphobic

Hello anon!

Unfortunately, because your mom isn’t showing support after your very brave choice to come out to her, she is being transphobic. You said that you were “pretty normal” which means you weren’t completely “normal”, right? There were probably a lot of little things that you did or liked that lead to you the conclusion that you’re really a guy and not a girl. Also, I think three months is a long time to have something on your mind and that tells me that you didn’t just rush to a conclusion and put some research into it. I wish your mom saw it that way, too.

The important thing right now is to take care of yourself. Start building your support network. Talk to your doctor if you can, talk to a school counselor or other professional if possible, check out the Trevor Project website for information and resources, look up some transgender blogs or chats and connect with other members of the transgender community. Other members of the community will be more likely to be able to provide you with facts, evidence, and resources you can use to help convince your mom, but remember that convincing your mom isn’t the important thing- it’s taking care of yourself first. 

Good luck!
~Mod Lib